As you’re probably aware, Pete Freedman has clearly set the record straight on how awful the Deep Ellum Arts Festival is. I felt it was my duty to help back up his opinion, so I designed a playlist that clearly shows the lack of talent held by those playing the festival. I apologize for having to create such an insufferably unlistenable collection of tunes, but I must demonstrate that Freedman has the right idea. Listen if you eardrums dare…
- Sonar Lights, “Wake Up”
This is an obvious one. Sonar Lights is a hard rock band, therefore they are innately not a band worth giving a chance. Wait, that guitar riff sounds catchy. Oops, for a second I forgot they were a hard rock band. I have to continue to remind myself that they must be bad since they’re a hard rock band.
- Monoculture, “Guadalupe & 4th”
After all, psychedelic blues artists with riffs like the ones found here are a dime a dozen. Move on, nothing to see here.
- Loyal Sally, “Mama”
Freedman clearly pointed out that many of these acts “would otherwise be hard-pressed to get a gig to score a legitimate gig on a real Deep Ellum stage during any other weekend of the year.” Such is the case for Loyal Sally, a band that never headlines any Deep Ellum shows. OK, so they do, but I tell you that the audiences at their shows are minuscule in size, and clearly show no enthusiasm when the band performs.
- Emmeline, “The Story”
The Central Track article has so helped me discover the flaws in my ways. I used to think Emmeline was a triple threat due to her skills as a vocalist, pianist, and songwriter. Fortunately, Freedman set me straight. Not only am I immune to her talents, but the lyrics hold no emotional effect on me whatsoever.
- Ducado Vega & Zenya Vi, “Octapush”
Those who have attended a show by Ducado Vega realize that he has no stage personality. Rather than dance, move, and engage the audience, he chooses to instead stand motionless, gazing at his shoes. It’s also worth noting that his latest single is a direct carbon copy of his previous tracks, showing no attempts at innovating his style.
- Kinsley August, “Psychedelic Lovers”
Kinsley August (shown above) is another act that shows absolute no diversity in the songs on his latest album, Smokey Lovers. Any blogger who would host a showcase featuring Kinsley must clearly lack any sense of musical taste.
- The Cover Letter, “In My Soul”
Speaking of hack bloggers, who would invite a band like Austin’s The Cover Letter to be a part of a birthday celebration? You can tell by listening to this track that this group is as low energy as Jeb Bush, and their live shows contain that same level of energy.
- The Gibbonses, “Tough as Nails”
When you hear Jackie Pock’s vocals, do you hear either vocal skill or emotion in her delivery? Well, then you’re wrong.
- Giant Kitty, “Don’t Stop That Bus”
Because what’s the point of writing a punk song about Keanu Reeves? Where’s the fun in that?
- Ellen Once Again, “I’m Feeling Lucky”
Fact: no one likes songs that put a smile on your face. Bah humbug.
- Luna Royale, “The Glowing”
One last blog diss: any blogger that would feature this track on a compilation is clearly nuts.
- Josh Halverson, “Crossing That Line”
Sure, he was on The Voice, but what do their judges know about music?
- Scary Cherry and the Bang Bangs, “Let’s Go”
Here’s another act that is incapable of bringing fans to their show, and that never even tries to engage their audience.
- Madaline, “I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead”
It’s ska, therefore it doesn’t matter.
- Sam Lao, “Pineapple”
I’m sorry, Sam Lao wasn’t supposed to be on this playlist. I’m pretty sure that she’s one of the 21 acts that Pete Freedman wouldn’t “actively walk out on.”
- Brave Combo, “Happy Wanderer”
Take away all the Grammy Awards and their appearance on The Simpsons, and what do you have? Just another flash-in-the pan local band.
I apologize for exposing you to this playlist. Yes, I’ve featured most of these acts on my previous playlists, but I promise in the future to be a good Ghost blogger and consult with Central Track on all future musical matters.